do you ever think of what you appear to be? no, not to other people, not to your friends, not to your teachers, parents, etc. but to yourself?

for example, imagine if you were a different person. and you somehow met "yourself" walking down the street. what would you think? what would you say to yourself? would you say - what a loser? fuck you? would you love yourself? hate yourself?

(this isnt an exercise the measure of security you feel with yourself)

but, its also true that it may be impossible to even think of being "someone else"...because the only conception of the self is what we have - ourself. its utterly illogical, impossible- physically, mentally, intellectually, emotionally - to even picture yourself as something or someone else - you truly dont know anything apart from the self. and if you dont know yourself, then it maybe just be even more impossible...

ever think of the world as one single organism.

as in, the earth itself is one living being, like a beetle, amoeba, or human. it's pulse, its heartbeat, is found in it's inner-most core, and it breathes, functions, and survives as one entity. all that we see - volcanoes, buildings, forests, are simply little marks on the earth's skin - like striations on the shell of a beetle or a mole or birthmark. we, as humans, are tiny specks of "dust" on earth's skin. everything that we see is simply the shell - underneath is where life exists. in the "core" or "mantle" is the true substance of earth, the one organism. who knows if it has a purpose? who knows what it eats, how it survives? does it sleep? does it have cravings for ice-cream?

its funny, people measure themselves only in relation to others. for example, you can't say "im good at basketball" without mentally referencing a pre-conceived person that you are so-called "better than". You can't be just "good" - you have to be better than the imaginative "Person B". it's simply a race - you must be better, stronger, faster, more athletic, better at reading, better at memorizing definitions. you try to be come "something". individual DIFFERENCES are all that we see.

"we only see others as separate from ourselves in the ways in which they are separate. and one of the dramatic characteristics of experience is being with another person and suddenly seeing the ways in which they are like you, and experiencing the fact - that which is essence in you and which is essence in me is indeed one. the understanding that there is no other" - Richard Alpert

why do people feel the need to raise their voices? to yell? to shout? is it so that others can hear them?
or so that they can hear their own voices? to reassure themselves that they still have it? that it hasnt been submerged within the depths of their visceral organs?


also, check this out. it is seriously messed up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HvivsY6K0U&feature=PlayList&p=0C29E5A25CDB4DCF&index=0&playnext=1

What?

today i played some tennis. doubles. sliding, shapeshifting. up, back, right, left, diagonal, circle. smash, forehand, backhand, volley. serve. serve. fault. hole in the net.

two cocky insecure men as opponents - can't fault them though. let. hole in the net. a partner with the deepest voice ever. baritone. a new grip. white, foamy, sticky. a chill, lingering. a wind, from the back. deuce. ad in. deuce. ad out. 15 love. deuce. time. "allow yourself some margin for error" "1 to 2 feet over the net". double fault. double fault. belly up, stranded. doubles alley. winner. ace. winner. volley. smash. 2nd serve. 1st serve. out. out. out. match point. MATCH